So many excuses, so little motivation
This blog is an archive of my emotional and mental process of weight loss, so I feel the need to post my plethora of excuses as to why I'm not posting my plans, nor planning out my weeks' food, nor shopping for veggies, nor exercising...
Passover is two weeks away, therefore:
1) I'm not buying new chametz to just 'sell' them for Passover, and I save myself the trouble of packing them away for Passover
2) I don't have the time to exercise or shop for groceries because I need to concentrate on cleaning my house for Passover and buying a new outfit for the highly-fashion-conscious shul (synagoge) at which DH and I will be attending services.
3) I'm not cooking a lot of dishes to have for the week because of the lack of chametz ingredients (see #1) and so as not to make dishes that will have to be washed, therefore taking up time (see #2)
4) I'm eating what is in the house without too much regard for the POINTS because that way I use up the chametz in the house (see #1).
5) Since there is so much cleaning to do around the house, I'll earn AP (activity points) doing the housecleaning, therefore I don't have to go to exercise. {NOTE: this assumes I'm actually DOING the cleaning... and I just scheduled the cleaning lady for next week. I doubt there are too many AP's to be earned dialing a 10-digit number}
I have reached a point where I am five pounds away from goal, and therefore:
6) I know I will be able to lose those five pounds in about a month once I put my mind to it, so why not save my mind for more pressing/time-dependent issues (see #1-4).
7) I'm pretty much at the size I will be when I'm done losing weight, so I'm 'testing' out if I know how to do the maintenance portion of WW.
8) Once I hit goal, I have to maintain for six weeks to hit lifetime. Passover is two weeks away- I don't know that I'll be able to stay OP that much during Passover, and I'm expecting a bit of a gain- so if I work hard to lose a couple pounds before Passover, that's like having to lose 'em TWICE!!
9) I've come such a long way, I should enjoy it for a little while- so as not to forget how good I've been!
10) I'm so hungry!
There you go, Becky's top ten excuses as to why she's not OP!
Home Fries!
I made the BEST potatoes last night, and had to share the recipe.
12 oz unpeeled baking potatoes (weighing it out meant 2 large potatoes)
cooking spray
~1/8 cup onion soup mix
Scrub potatoes very well, leaving skin on. Cut each potato into 8 wedges. Toss the potatoes in a large ziploc bag and spray with the cooking spray to coat. Sprinkle with onion soup mix, close bag and toss to coat. Place wedges skin-side down on cookie sheet sprayed with cooking spray. Bake uncovered at 375 for 30-45 minutes or until tender.
4 servings- 1 point each
2 servings- 3 points each
Passover Recipe call!
I've been trying to think of a good excuse to give you all for using the new comment feature on my blog, and I came up with one that I actually need help with!
Passover is coming up (April 5-13), and DH are going to be home together for the first time this year. So, we are changing our entire apartment over, and will be making all our own foods. Now, if hypoglycemia and kashrut aren't enough to add to the Points system, I now have to add the Pesach (Passover) requirements, of no legumes, leavened bread or leavening agents. A lot of my 'stock' food items fall into this category, rendering them inedible for the week of Pesach. I'm not even allowed to OWN them!
So, I'm looking for recipes. Beware: no corn or corn products (ie: corn oil, corn syrup, corn starch, etc), no beans, no bread (read: pita, tortilla, pasta, etc), no rice... well,
here's a good explanation of the 'forbidden' items from
Aish.com.
Give me your recipes and ideas! If you don't know the Points, don't worry- I have recipe builder. If you don't know if they will work for Passover, don't worry- I eat the rest of the year, too, and could use the recipe then! If you don't cook, don't worry- we'll leave spaces open at our table!
44 Flex points?!
So, as part of my
March challenge I'm 'required' to post my weekend report on the weight watchers
Just Married message board. I started my post by saying that my weekend wasn't so terrible eating-wise. I was thinking that a lot of the reason it was easy to get through is that DH and I didn't go out for lunch, and I went late to the shul's kiddush (and therefore wasn't there in time to get a lot of the good stuff, which always goes early). Thing is, I used 44 flex points this weekend! I only get 35 for the whole week! So, I think I may need to re-think what is good and what is closer to 'blowing it'!!
Guess I'll be working out a lot this week and drinking lots of water to make up for it. At least we have a lot of Passover cleaning to do to keep me active!
Gaining an inch can be a good thing!
My entire adult life, I've thought I was 5'3". However, most of my friends who KNOW they are 5'3" claim that I am taller than them... So, last night I was measured at a new Curves location with one of the "chu-chunk" scales like they had at pediatricians' offices, and it turns out my friends were all correct- I'm actually 5'4" and a 'smidgen', according to the Curves employee who measured me.
Why is this significant, you ask? I will tell you. Weight Watchers bases their goal ranges on height. The taller you are, the higher your goal weight can be, within limits. So, my WW goal weight had been 141.0, because that was the top of the range for someone 5'3". The top of the range for someone who is 5'4" is 145.0. Personally, my goal weight is, and has been since I started this fakochta process a year ago, 145.0, and my goal size is 10. I've been a size 10 for about 10 pounds now, and actually own some bottoms that are size 8... So, in gaining an inch, I 'lost' 4 pounds!
I lost a stick of butter!
So, my weigh-in was today, and I lost 0.2 pounds. Now for you confused individuals out there thinking, 'you could lose 0.2 pounds by blowing your nose,' you should know that a stick of butter is a 1/4 pound- or 0.25 pounds. Therefore, by losing 0.2 pounds, I lost a stick of butter's worth of fat.
If the butter thought doesn't work for you, think Crisco- better yet, think
schmaltz!
Clothes and Budget
Last Sunday, I spent two months' budgeted allotment on clothes (12 pieces all told), and STILL don't feel like I have what to wear in the morning without re-wearing an outfit from the previous week. I feel like I've been on a skeleton wardrobe for a year, and to be honest, I'm so sick of shopping.
Part of the reason, no most of the reason, is that I feel so nervous spending all that money! I mean, TJ Maxx has been my one-stop-shop for all things apparel for the past year, because I can't seem to justify spending more than $25 on a pair of pants which isn't even going to fit in two months' time. I bought my first pair of pants that are supposed to last me until after goal (my first pair of official Gap jeans), and even they could be smaller.
I'm trying to picture what it would be like to have a closet full of clothes that fit, are comfortable, are appropriate for the myriad of occasions we are blessed to attend, and aren't going to fall apart after three washings. High quality, fashionable, well-tailored clothes that I feel proud to walk around in. Basically, I don't think I really know what it's like to have a wardrobe- as opposed to simply having that which keeps me from going about naked!
Sometimes I think I should just wear my old clothes and hold 'em up with paperclips until someone writes in to "What Not to Wear" and then I'll have $5,000.00 to spend on all new stuff! Really, people- give me one good excuse to spend a month's worth of salary (not just the budgeted allotment) on new clothes, and bar me from shopping the clearance racks. I don't think I can take one more size-sorted or color-sorted store! Give me the Gap, Express, Neimann Marcus, Ann Taylor, Field's- where the clothes are sorted according to style and coordinates.
credit cards, take me away...
Comments!
My wonderful DH (dear husband) has added a comments feature to my blog, as you will note at the bottom of each post. I encourage everyone to leave a comment if you have one!
This is so hard
I believe this may be the hardest thing I have ever done. I've been married for about a year a a half, and it has been wonderful and challenging, trying and rewarding... I wouldn't be as successful at WW if it weren't for my best friend, my partner, my love- Zev. But this is really hard.
I've been on WW for a year and one month (5 weeks to be exact), and have lost 45 pounds so far. I officially have 9.8 pounds to lose to reach goal, but considering the post previous to this one, I consider myself to be 8 pounds from goal. I'm so tired of it. I know that sustained weight loss involves a lifestyle and mindset change, and it truly never ends. But knowing that is kind of like knowing that if you drink bad milk, you're going to throw up- it doesn't make it easier to experience. I'm not saying that weight watchers is like drinking bad milk, but there is a certain inevitability that I feel. I get to the point where I think, why me? Why have I such tzoras (troubles)? My sister can seemingly eat anything she wants at any time (she's the kind of person who naturally doesn't like mayonaisse or other fattening things); while I can gain a pound by simply not drinking massive amounts of water on a consistent basis. On the other hand, my father literally can't function without eating 5 complete meals strategically spaced at three hour intervals throughout the day; in that regard, my tzoras aren't so bad. There are people out there who have serious, life debilitating diseases, and I'm complaining that I can't have fries and milkshakes for breakfast every day?! What's wrong with me. But this is my blog, and I'll be as 'woe-is-me' as I want, damnit!
This is hard! People will warn you that once you reach a point where you've lost a lot (but not all) of your excess weight, you will want to rest on your laurels, as one could think, 'I look great! This is enough!' That's not where I'm at now, I'm not quite satisfied. As mentioned earlier, I'm very type-A; so considering I set a numeric goal for myself, I won't be satisfied until I reach said numeric goal. However, I'm just tired of planning, counting, worrying, stressing, etc etc etc. The hardest thing right now is just to keep going. Keep planning, keep counting, try to keep from worrying and stressing, and keep my eye on the ball. However far away and elusive that symbolic ball may be.
I don't know that I had anything productive to say, I just want to note that this is hard- and though there are worse things in the world, this is my challenge. These are my tzoras, and it's hard.
May G-d give me strength, and not worse tzoras....
Ok, I this is a little outdated, but I think I may have noticed something in my medication. I know that there are these myths about BCP (birth control pills) that they make you gain weight. In fact, some women who take BCP gain weight because the hormone change makes them 'snacky', the same way some women eat a lot either right before or during their periods. Some people have also said that when you first take BCP you gain about 5 pounds, but it goes away when you stop- I think this is water weight.
So, two WIs (weigh-ins) ago (3/4/04), I lost 2.2 pounds, and dropped below 150 lbs for the first time ever. I was officially within 10 pounds of my goal weight, and had dropped into the next point target level (20 points/per day as opposed to 22). Then, yesterday at WI, I gained 1.8. Now, I didn't confess this here earlier, but rather than drinking my way through Purim, I ate my way through. I think I had about 20 points just in candy while waiting for DH's concert to start (THANKS, BRYAN!!!) As posted earlier, I haven't been able to find it in me to exercise this past week, and with the bits of nausea I'm feeling over the last two days, I haven't been getting my water in as regularly as before. But to be swinging back and forth by TWO POUNDS per week, is a little drastic at this stage in my WL (weight loss) game. I've been OP (on program) for over a year now, and a change of 1 pound is a lot, let alone 2 pounds!
So, I did some other evaluating- am I wearing a heavy outfit? did I eat something very high in sodium on Wednesday? Did I have a lot to eat or not go to the bathroom before WI? no, no, no... did my medication change? AH-HA! I was on my off-week of BCPs on 8/4/04. I lost 2.2 pounds. I had been back on BCPs for nearly a week as of 8/11/04, and I gained 1.8 pounds! I do have to say I was very affected
(yay) by the loss of 2.2 pounds and very nervous
(oh, shit) about this week's WI, but figuring that whole BCP thing out has made me feel a bit better.
Ok, so I probably truly lost 0.6 or 0.8 on 8/4, and I probably either gained 0.2 or 0.4 (or even maybe stayed the same) this past week. It's just a little tidbit to store in my mind for the next time I'll be WI-ing during my BCP off-week!
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........
I am so exhausted -still- from Purim! We had an amazing time, drove a bunch of very drunk, very excitable boys around to about a dozen rabbis' houses, and then went to DH's concert that evening. But I'm still recovering! DH went to sleep at 7:30 on Monday night, I was up until 10:30, then DS (dear sister) called nervous about getting her wisdom teeth out, and we talked for an hour. Tuesday, I had planned to exercise but spent my first 1 1/2 hours home from work cooking dinner, then another 1 1/2 hours eating and watching TV, and still didn't make it to bed before 11:00 (which is my standard bed time). Last night, I had every intention of going to exercise, eating dinner, doing laundry & dishes, and generally straightening up the pigsty that doubles as our apartment. I managed to do one of the five! Why, oh why, didn't I just go to bed at 7:30 when I was tired. By the time I actually went to bed, I had caught a 'second wind' and couldn't sleep for another 45 minutes.
How does this relate to weight loss, you ask? I'll tell you. When I make a point of 'forcing' myself to exercise, I have more energy. But the loss of energy is a self-perpetuating downward spiral: I have no energy to exercise, I don't exercise, I don't get the energy boost, etc etc etc... I keep thinking that sleep will break me out of this cycle, but if I don't go to bed and just screw everything else (laundry/dishes/cleaning up/etc), I won't get sleep! DH did a bunch of dishes last night, but as is, the laundry STILL need to be done, my clothes are STILL strewn across the bedroom, the coffee table and dining room are STILL full of junk mail, papers and empty water bottles, and I STILL haven't gone to exercise or sleep!
So, this weekend I'm going to sleep and exercise. Shabbat morning I plan on dovening (praying) at Congregation Sha'arey Shaynah ('Gates of Sleep'), Sunday morning I plan on getting up for Curves, and having brunch at the in-laws, and by golly, I'm going to wash my clothes!
Y'know, unless I go shopping...
Results not Typical
Have you ever noticed the fine print on Weight Watcher (or other weight-loss plans') advertisements? Most, if not all say 'results not typical'. This is a legal safeguard so the people who say they're on WW (or other programs) but aren't really following the tenants of the program and hence don't lose weight, can't sue 'em. A friend on the Just Married message board at WW.com (see links to the right) posted the following:
I am a "Results not typical". Basically 90% of Americans have tried to diet once in their lives (probably more). Of that 90%, only 10% actually lost the weight. Of that 10% only 1% has kept it off for 5 or more years. So, these success people- losing weight and keeping it off is a result that is not typical.
I guess I'm a 'results not typical', too!
Purim and an NSV
Sunday is a Jewish holiday called Purim. Here is a quick run-down (very quick compared to the complexities and detail of the story-
click here for a link to a good retelling of the story).
2,300 years ago in Persia, King Achashverosh reigned and he took a new queen who was Jewish, Esther, the niece of Mordechai. Mordechai uncovers a plot to assassinate the king, and gains favor with Achashverosh. Haman, King Achashverosh’s top advisor, required the subjects to bow to him, and Mordechai would not. So, Haman told the king that there were subjects who were disobeying the crown, and through trickery obtained a decree to kill all the Jews. Mordechai uncovered the plot to annihilate the Jews, and tells his niece, Esther, to warn the king. In those times it was unheard of and improper for the queen to go to the king uninvited, so this was a life-threatening proposal. Esther fasted for three days in preparation and prayer for the meeting with her new husband, and then approached him. Through some wheeling-dealing, Esther got everyone together at a meal, Haman thinking he was being honored and the king thinking he was doing a favor for the niece of the man who saved his life. At the banquet, Esther revealed Haman’s plan, Haman was deposed, and the Jews were saved.
Now that you know the outline of the story, there’s a quicker explanation that is said: Summing up the Purim holiday in 10 words or less: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat. It’s traditional to hand out food gifts (called mishloach manot) to friends and it’s also said that it’s such a joyous holiday, you should be intoxicated to the point of not knowing the difference between ‘blessed be Mordechai’ and ‘cursed be Haman’. (some people say intoxicated with spiritual joy – but let’s face it, liquor is quicker!).
That was the Purim explanation, here's my NSV (non-scale victory)
All week I’ve been making CHOCOLATE for DH and my mishloach manot- and I haven’t ‘tasted’ any more than I had to for seasoning – honestly!!
Also, this Sunday, DH and I are renting a 15-person van and driving all our friends around in this ‘party van’ so they can get blooey while I’m driving – therefore preventing me from having drinks (AKA: points). I just wanted to post how excited I am to have found a way of participating without eating/drinking myself into a points hole I can’t get out of, how proud I am of myself for not eating tons of chocolate this week!
Go me…
I also have to say how proud I am of the mishloach manot. Each has the following:
Tappan Hill Brownie (three kinds of chocolate)
Raspberry chocolate moled pieces
White chocolate molded pieces
Cayene Pepper Chocolate Truffle topped with Hot Pepper-shaped Cinnamon Candy
Peanut Butter Chocolate Tuffle coated in crushed peanuts
Chocolate Hamentashen filled with Raspberry or Apricot
Chocolate-covered strawberries
Chocolate liquor cup, for which I will be passing out Godiva Chocolate liquor
They're so amazing!
What messages are we receiving and sending?
I was on the bus this morning, and rode past a high-end men's clothing store that had the following message printed (permanently) on its display window:
Clothes make the man
in the professional world
man is judged by his appearance
Now, the question I have isn't, 'is this statement true?' We are all very well aware that, unfortunately, it is. That saddens me. The question I have is, 'why is that acceptable?'
One of the meetings that had a big impact on me a couple months ago encouraged members to think about what rules about food and appearance from childhood could have contributed to our weight-gain. For example, I suffer from an anxiety about the availability of food. I grew up knowing that after mealtime, the kitchen would be closed. I think receiving that messages over and over when I was young has contributed to my feeling that, 'if I don't eat it now it won't be there later,' even in situations where it will obviously be there later (ie: my own kitchen!).
This statement that society will judge you dependent upon your appearance can only create anxiety for those who suffer ANY type of physical 'abnormality' (and I take exception to the words 'normal' and 'abnormal' in society's definitions as well). This includes not only those who are overweight (or underweight) and could be doing something about it, but also those who suffer from acne, have scars or birthmarks, have suffered amputation, have bland-colored hair- ANYthing. What messages are we receiving, and often, sending?! Sending messages such as, "man is judged by his appearance" just serve to create appearance anxiety for those receiving it- and I vow right now to do my best not to send that message to my children (b'sha'ah tova).
Why are we not focusing on the inner good in others, and more importantly, ourselves. Not that anyone actually reads this blog, but I call on anyone who reads this- reject the idea that appearance defines the person. Look deeper, focus on the inside, concentrate on what MATTERS!
stupid men's store slogan.
New Challenge Announcement
I have recently joined a new challenge with the ladies at the
Just Married message boards on
Weight Watchers Online! The challenge is:
1- Eat OP (on program) and Journal every day
2- Get at least 7 APs (activity points) per week.
3- Drink your water every day.
4- WI (weigh-in) once per week- pending you are not on vaction, ill, etc.
5- Post your plan for the day and how you did the day before on the message board each day .
6- For each "loosing" WI reward yourself with something non-food related. When you reach goal- reward yourself with something HUGE!!!!!!
So, for my first "loosing" WI, I'm getting a manicure! My nails are in terrible shape, and it's actually becoming uncomfortable, let alone looking bad.
I'll have to think about what to do when I reach goal... maybe a vacation? DH? Vacation?
(I'd settle for an extended back rub if vacation is out of the question)
Weekend Report
This was a terrible terrible weekend as far as WW goes. Friday night went alright- until avocados were on sale, and I made guacamole (using 4 avocados) for just four people- and we finished it. I had so much guac, I didn't even have the main course I had planned for myself- and then we proceeded to eat practically an entire box of meringues.
Shabbat afternoon was a chollent-fest at good friends' house, and I didn't do so poorly, mostly due to the presence of freshly steamed broccoli- thank you Mark! I did have three Matt's cookies and about 1/8 cup mixed nuts, but it's to be expected at a big lunch. I even went to work out Motzei Shabbat, and made a ton of chocolate for our mishloach manot- without testing more than I had to.
Sunday was another story. The day starts out so well- had a 1-point Slim U yogurt, went to exercise, and even remembered to take a 2-point cheese stick with me so I wasn't stuck without something to eat. We were going out to a L'Chaim (engagement party) for our good friends, Yosef & Tova (Mazel Tov, guys!), so I was 'smart' and ate about 1 cup of rice pilaf before we left- so I wouldn't be hungry, right? But Bryan had just bought Entemann's cinnamon rolls, and nobody would finish it. So I did. Still ok, I mean, I have my flex points- and I hadn't had that much yet...
So we get to the L'Chaim, and I start off so well- fresh peppers, eggplant salad, **ignore the cookies, ignore the brownies**, diet soda, have some more veggies- go for a smoke, get away from the food...
I noticed there were lox & bagel sandwiches available, so I thought, 'I should have this (I know the points, it's a relatively healthy lunch), so that I'm not craving the other stuff...' I had a full sandwich, and was truly full. But it didn't matter- the cake and cookies were still there, and I still wanted 'em.
So, giving in to the cake (which was devine, BTW), I split a piece with Yosef- then had another piece on my own about 1/2 hour later.
It got to the point where I was uncomfortably full- and still eating. Most of the time, I don't eat as much as I used to only out of sheer will. But doesn't there come a time where your cravings or your sensibilities about food change? I mean, why does someone (moi) who truly WANTS to change these behaviors, and who has been trying to do so for over a year, STILL have the same issues to deal with? And why does it have to be out of sheer will? Isn't there something I can do to
feel differently about food, rather than simply
acting differently around food?
Sun night, I continued to eat- popcorn, gulps of milk without measuring, bites from DH's chocolate peanut butter truffles, and finally a grilled cheese sandwich.
So, this morning I got up and exercised, packed low-point foods for the day, and resolved to start over.
Again.
And again, if need be!
