I believe this may be the hardest thing I have ever done. I've been married for about a year a a half, and it has been wonderful and challenging, trying and rewarding... I wouldn't be as successful at WW if it weren't for my best friend, my partner, my love- Zev. But this is really hard.
I've been on WW for a year and one month (5 weeks to be exact), and have lost 45 pounds so far. I officially have 9.8 pounds to lose to reach goal, but considering the post previous to this one, I consider myself to be 8 pounds from goal. I'm so tired of it. I know that sustained weight loss involves a lifestyle and mindset change, and it truly never ends. But knowing that is kind of like knowing that if you drink bad milk, you're going to throw up- it doesn't make it easier to experience. I'm not saying that weight watchers is like drinking bad milk, but there is a certain inevitability that I feel. I get to the point where I think, why me? Why have I such tzoras (troubles)? My sister can seemingly eat anything she wants at any time (she's the kind of person who naturally doesn't like mayonaisse or other fattening things); while I can gain a pound by simply not drinking massive amounts of water on a consistent basis. On the other hand, my father literally can't function without eating 5 complete meals strategically spaced at three hour intervals throughout the day; in that regard, my tzoras aren't so bad. There are people out there who have serious, life debilitating diseases, and I'm complaining that I can't have fries and milkshakes for breakfast every day?! What's wrong with me. But this is my blog, and I'll be as 'woe-is-me' as I want, damnit!
This is hard! People will warn you that once you reach a point where you've lost a lot (but not all) of your excess weight, you will want to rest on your laurels, as one could think, 'I look great! This is enough!' That's not where I'm at now, I'm not quite satisfied. As mentioned earlier, I'm very type-A; so considering I set a numeric goal for myself, I won't be satisfied until I reach said numeric goal. However, I'm just tired of planning, counting, worrying, stressing, etc etc etc. The hardest thing right now is just to keep going. Keep planning, keep counting, try to keep from worrying and stressing, and keep my eye on the ball. However far away and elusive that symbolic ball may be.
I don't know that I had anything productive to say, I just want to note that this is hard- and though there are worse things in the world, this is my challenge. These are my tzoras, and it's hard.
May G-d give me strength, and not worse tzoras....
posted by Becky @ 9:54 PM
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