Thank you, Stuart Smalley
So, I didn't make my chazakah. [a chazakah is when you do the same thing, in the same manner, three times in a row. It's a Jewish 'third time's the charm'] Yesterday I had a bad day at work, being very stressed out with our office's recent move, my attorneys' increase in work, and trying to cover vacationing coworkers' desks. I went to a friends house directly from work, because had I gone home, I would have either gone straight to bed or straight to TV, which doesn't help stress dissipate, but only postpones having to deal with it. And while I was there, I had about 1 1/2 cups of chocolate chips. Now, I never used to crave chocolate, even before I started WW... but you know you're desperate when you reach for baking supplies to satiate a craving. So, I wasn't completely OP yesterday, and I have to start establishing a new chazakah from Day One.That being said, eating 1 1/2 cups of chocolate chips is ALL I did to go off program yesterday. I didn't eat a whole bag of chips on top of it, I didn't have left-over macaroons when I got home, etc etc... I had some chocolate chips, and stopped eating them when I consciously realized what I was doing. Overall, it could be considered a NSV (non-scale victory) that I stopped before hitting the bottom of the bag! All night, however, I just kept dwelling on how I FAILED to make my chazakah. I just saw failure, and couldn't get past it.
The part of this that I wish to blog about today, is more of an underlying issue as opposed to the tachlis (tangible) action of eating baking supplies to soothe a bad day. I have realized that I need to increase my self-esteem. See, I hold myself to a very high standard in most aspects of my life (career, WW, housekeeping, etc etc etc). Most of the time, because I'm hopelessly Type-A and a bit of a perfectionist, I am able to achieve a high standard. However, I also have very low self esteem, not seeing myself as a capable person. That creates the feeling that: If I can do it, for sure everyone else can, and likewise, if Person A can do it, I "should" be able to. For example, when coworkers, acquaintences, etc, don't perform 'up to expectations' (which, as stated before, are high), I can't understand why- I mean, I'm not 'good' (low self-esteem) and they are 'good' (high opinion of others), and I can do XYZ (high standards)- so why can't they? Yada, yada, yada... It would do me good to increase my self esteem, thereby alleviating this judgmental-ness, as well as alleviating being judgmental against myself.
In sharing this with a coworker/friend, she suggested trying personal affirmations. Cheesy as it may sound, maybe Stuart Smalley is onto something! I mean, Julia Roberts (in Pretty Woman) taught us all that it's easy to believe the bad stuff, partly because that's what we hear/say to ourselves most often. So, it could follow that if we told ourselves good things, they would be easier to believe, nu?
So, I start telling myself good things today, and here it is in writing- I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!
posted by Becky @ 11:57 AM
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